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“Thanks for dropping by, but next time you can just text.”
“My husband works from home.”
“Even on vacation, thanks to drones, I can still do a little part-time bombing.”
“Thou shalt have no other gods before me. For verily, I have the biggest crowds.”
“This is the best part—the hero is still hopeful for something good, before he realizes it’s all bills.”
“Edgar, I said, ‘Never mind.’ And I was referring to the nachos.”
“The two spaces after a period were a dead giveaway.”
“I also like to hang a bunch in the shower to create a spa-like atmosphere.”
“It’s really a shame—you put in all this work, only to have them chintz out on the marketing.”
“I don’t even like toys. I just do this so people won’t talk to me.”
“Sorry, Rick, but no thongs means no thongs.”
“Stop arguing—I’ll walk myself.”
“Here’s the thermostat. Like all hotel thermostats, it’s just for show.”
“For the last time—‘Rider’ is the birthday boy, ‘Laser’ is the party venue, and ‘Scooter’ is the gift we got him.”